Demos II

by Cookin' with Grandma

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about

A series of demos and unreleased songs that have been kicking around.

credits

released December 1, 2015

Everything - Robbie Hynes

Cookin' with Grandma is Robbie Hynes and Ryan Hoppe

Thanks to everyone who helped with group vocals

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Cookin' with Grandma Saskatoon, Saskatchewan

Sad Bullshit

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Track Name: Kings & Queens
I'm an impostor, an homage, as good as it gets.
and I feel for your problems, my eyes they get wet.
We're both on our way out of the same situation,
you say you know, you're in the same situation,
I think they're jealous of my sane situation
with no place to stay and with no occupation.
When we both close our eyes,
we see the same damn thing and it's not worth mentioning
so when we both close our eyes,
we see the same damn thing and it's not worth mentioning.

We are kings, queens, aces and thieves
I'm a jack of all trades, you say I should leave
We are water, earth, wind and the fire,
so lower the bar, and raise me up higher

We are kings, queens, aces and thieves
I'm a jack of all trades, you say I should leave
We are water, earth, wind and the fire,
so lower the bar, and raise me up higher

Now go!

I'm a Xerox, a copy, a bland imitation,
screaming to the world about his fucked up limitations,
I'lll go as far as this tank of gas gets me,
screaming to the end that you're the only one who gets me
so when we close our eyes at night
and i mean really close our eyes at night
so when we close our eyes all tight
and i mean really close our eyes all tight
We see a bunch of little dots,
we think we all have meaning
we are a bunch of little dots
we think we all have meaning
we are the dots of the dots of the dots of the dots

We are kings, queens, aces and thieves
I'm a jack of all trades, you say I should leave
We are water, earth, wind and the fire,
so lower the bar, and raise me up higher

We are kings, queens, aces and thieves
I'm a jack of all trades, you say I should leave
We are water, earth, wind and the fire,
so lower the bar, and raise me up higher

Now go!
Track Name: Hold On
You left me broken
You left me shattered in a million pieces
You left me barely holding on
So I tried my hardest to let go

All the pills I swallowed,
and all the beer that I let flow
Curse my self destruction
and all the info that I now know

I know that I can't drive a station wagon
I know I can't feel safe going to a show
I know your birthday still
I know what to drink when I'm trying to forget you

It went from months to weeks to days
I wish that something stayed the same
I wish I stopped seeing your name
I wish I could hold on

So hold on, hold on
let me catch my breath
hold on, hold on
are you tired of this yet?
Hold on, hold
Please don't hang up
Hold on, hold on
Please give a fuck

So hold on, hold on
let me catch my breath
hold on, hold on
are you tired of this yet?
Hold on, hold
Please don't hang up
Hold on, hold on
Please give a fuck

Spend most of my days now shedding tears
Involuntary movements I can't control
Become convinced I'm set up for failure,
Success is just another thing I can't hold
And I can't hold it in
I need catharsis
and I can't live like this
If I can't find home if home is where the heart is

Tell myself that it gets better
Tell myself that it gets easier
to make it through the days, when I can't make it through the days

So hold on, hold on
let me catch my breath
hold on, hold on
are you tired of this yet?
Hold on, hold
Please don't hang up
Hold on, hold on
Please give a fuck

So hold on, hold on
let me catch my breath
hold on, hold on
are you tired of this yet?
Hold on, hold
Please don't hang up
Hold on, hold on
Please give a fuck
Track Name: I Wish I Learned More Japanese In Highschool
Remember when in 11th grade, my best friend told me that I'd fall in love with you?
And I became oh so certain it would become true.
Remember all the moves that we watched
and all the people that we scorned
all the big dreams that we had
of all the movies that I'd score
and all the films that you'd direct
all the dreams that I had
when I was young
They now seem dumb
I just want to be alive

And I'm so so proud of you
And I'm sorry for everything I put you through
And I'm so so proud of you
And I'm sorry for everything I put you through

And I'm sorry
And I miss you
And I'm sorry
And I miss you
And I'm sorry

When your house felt like a second home
and walking home at 3 AM
Stopping my first suicide attempt
frantic skype calls on the net
From 9th grade pool parties,
to me being fool hardy
to you, changing schools,
to me, growing up a bit,
and you, moving houses,
and me, shutting down a bit
and you, getting your first real job,
and me, being put on new drugs

And I'm so so proud of you
And I'm sorry for everything I put you through
And I'm so so proud of you
And I'm sorry for everything I put you through

And I'm sorry
And I miss you
And I'm sorry
And I miss you
And I'm sorry
Track Name: I'll Try To Live So That When I Die I Can Say I Gave It My All
In the middle of the forest
where I saved you from your death
your father tells me he no longer
holds interest in your life
I say I love you
in the darkness
and you will save me
from this darkness
I feel a chill caught in my bones
as I tell you to leave me

I WILL BE REBORN FOR YOU
SOUND OF RUSHING WATER
COMING THROUGH

I WILL BE REBORN FOR YOU
SOUND OF RUSHING WATER
COMING THROUGH

now you're gone
far from our home
and It cut like scissors
when I asked to be alone

BUT NOW YOURE GONE
YOURE FAR FROM HOME
AND IT CUT LIKE SCISSORS
WHEN I ASKED TO BE ALONE

You promised her
you'd stay with her forever
so now you gotta promise me
that you will stay with me forever
no matter how I've looked
and no matter how I've changed
no matter who I've killed
no matter who I left
no matter who I've loved
no matter who is left
you hide from people
and then you say
it's because
you look different
I must be the only human here
to know that you're a coward

I WILL BE REBORN FOR YOU
SOUND OF RUSHING WATER
COMING THROUGH

I WILL BE REBORN FOR YOU
SOUND OF RUSHING WATER
COMING THROUGH

BUT NOW YOURE GONE
YOURE FAR FROM HOME
AND IT CUT LIKE SCISSORS
WHEN I ASKED TO BE ALONE

BUT NOW YOURE GONE
YOURE FAR FROM HOME
AND IT CUT LIKE SCISSORS
WHEN I ASKED TO BE ALONE

he owes you nothing
I owed you nothing just the same
but you came in with that heart
and you looked at me like you knew I hadn't changed

he owes you nothing
I owed you nothing just the same
but you came in with that heart
and you looked at me like you knew I hadn't changed
Track Name: Get Lost
break up
get lost
find God
start over

when you break my heart
find someone to pick up the pieces
find peace with yourself
for causing this pain in me, nothing helps
nothing stops it
nothing stops just because You want it to
I wanted you to stay
I wanted you to say you were coming back
back and forth and back and forth

break up
get lost
find God
start over

when you break my heart
tell me that it's hard for you
it's so hard to do
but I think that I need space
and an astronaut from space
could have seen my heart collapse
and burst into a thousand different colours shining bright against the night sky
I feel like Ralph wiggum
with Lisa simpsons
if the cameras were rolling you could pinpoint the moment my heart it broke
Track Name: Listening To Sigur Ros And Writing Poetry
She says she loved me.,
missed me,
head back,
just like she meant it

All the things you said to me were the things that turned out to be lies
and all the lies you said to me were the lies that turned out to be destructive
I just want to feel like me again
I just want to feel complete again
I just want to feel something more than anything
I just want to feel something more than anything
She says

You never really meant that much to me
and all those sad songs, man they suck to me
You never really meant that much to me
and all those sad songs, man they suck to me

with her face turned,
hair down,
hands out
and eyes averted
she keeps on believing that nothing ever happened here
and I keep on refusing that nothing ever happened here
I just want to feel like me again
I just want to feel complete again
I just want to feel something more than anything
I just want to feel something more than anything
She says

You never really meant that much to me
and all those sad songs, man they suck to me
You never really meant that much to me
and all those sad songs, man they suck to me
Track Name: Getting Mauled By A Bear Is A Relatively Painless Way To Die
I just can't take this any longer
I am off then I'm on then I'm off then I'm on
you are right then you are wrong then you are right then you are wrong then you're
holding yourself back
you say
I have one hell of a mind but I can't seem to keep all my shit on track
I'm holding myself back
on the good days I can keep from destroying everything around me
and everyone around me
they say

man you look normal
you don't look so good
I think you need help
what the fuck is your problem

I'm tired
I'm tired
but I just can't sleep
I'm hungry
I'm hungry
but I just won't eat
and I'm
so sorry for what I just said
I've got these thoughts I can't keep out of my head

and I would be lying
if I told you that I never had the thought
to throw all my meds away
or take them all at once
and make the best of the worst situation
This is the worst situation
and everyone they tell me

man you look normal
you don't look so good
I think you need help
what the fuck is your problem

I'm tired
I'm tired
but I just can't sleep
I'm hungry
I'm hungry
but I just won't eat
and I'm
so sorry for what I just said
I've got these thoughts I can't keep out of my head
Track Name: Sober Text Messages
she says this felt like a dream
but it's more like a nightmare
fist fights and swear words
you swore you would fight fair
I asked my mother
to come and pick me up
you degenerate psycho
you sick little fuck
I hope that you found
just what you wanted
cause it's clearly not me
I'm clearly not wanted
I'm clearly not welcome
I'm clearly not safe
you're clearly not in a space
where you should be dating

I should not be waiting
I should not be waiting
I should not be waiting
I should not be waiting
I should not be waiting
I should not be waiting

and all of my friends
they mean the world to me
bc Alberta the south
I've got a lot to see
you've got a lot of work
to put into yourself
I put a lot of work
into trying to help
but there are some truths
that you won't want to hear
and they won't come from me
I won't live in fear any longer

I should not be waiting
I should not be waiting
I should not be waiting
I should not be waiting
I should not be waiting
I should not be waiting
Track Name: Texts & Tumblr Messages
texts and Tumblr messages
screenshots saved in documents
I remember when
all it would take
would be a piece of ribbon
and how I miss those days
oh how I miss those days

flip phones and empty houses
house shows and empty beer cans
I remember bedspreads spreading
spread my love all over when it's over
anime gifs are moving
bus stops are getting scary
I am so frightened by the dark
who'll finally shine some light upon me
texts and Tumblr messages
screenshots saved in documents
I remember when
all it would take
would be a piece of ribbon
and how I miss those days
oh how I miss those days

I have so many problems
I was never trained to deal with heartbreak
scared of when the sun comes up
and lying to my parents
all of this seems like a game but it's a game that I am losing
I remember Facebook conversations
I remember late night texts and sexual frustration
I remember late night bus rides
getting lost - no destination
I remember so fucking god damn much
I'm sorry I won't forget you

texts and Tumblr messages
screenshots saved in documents
I remember when
all it would take
would be a piece of ribbon
and how I miss those days
oh how I miss those days
Track Name: Winter
I am so fucking broke
how will I ever get you
or wed you, as I want
and what you want
it's so expensive
she says
I love you more than I would care to say to anyone
except my best friends, that's in secret
you're my best friends, that's no secret
we couldn't be kept down by obstacles or by me
or by the crushing feeling of loneliness that slowly took control of your whole being

I'll hop on the next plane out of town
half heartedly and sleepy hope that God will strike this aircraft down
I'll write more letters on my way
make more playlists you won't play
write a list of buzz words like I love you and I missed you but I won't mean them when I say

this is the best Christmas ever
I'm so alone I can't keep it together
I love how small this city makes me feel
convince myself that this is real

I am so fucking Broke
this restaurant is the death of me
I miss the days of vomiting in the bathroom and never answering your questions
how could you do this to me
can't you see that I'm in pain
so shout my name
break some things
do it in public
do it in public
you may not love this now
but you'll grow up to be a person you hate
dissatisfied with life
destroy the ones you like
or have them destroy you

I'll hop on the next plane out of town
half heartedly and sleepy hope that God will strike this aircraft down
I'll write more letters on my way
make more playlists you won't play
write a list of buzz words like I love you and I missed you but I won't mean them when I say

this is the best Christmas ever
I'm so alone I can't keep it together
I love how small this city makes me feel
convince myself that this is real
Track Name: This Is A Private Tumblr Journal Entry #No Reblogs
I can see you like pretentious people
so I'm going to try harder just for you
you want a man with a strong conviction
so in going to do absolutely everything we said we'd wanna do

id throw stones off the end of the world
if I knew it could get you back with me
I wish I could sit in the dark
without you
and be exactly who you wanted me to be

we said we'd
travel the globe.
be our own life partners
you were all I ever needed
as I spat on top of the alter.

talk to me about stupid things
when I'm drunk, so your gonna have to talk a lot
keep comments in pockets
about how i think you're hot

and all of friends agree agree agree with me
too many of your friends agree with me.

when my parents kick me out
I can come stay at your house
and you me and your mom
can just hang out and do card tricks.

but then you thought you found someone better.

YOU KEPT YOUR PICTURES
I KEPT MY SCARS
YOU CAN MOVE FAST
BUT I CAN MOVE FAR.

YOU KEPT YOUR PICTURES
I KEPT MY SCARS
YOU CAN MOVE FAST
BUT I CAN MOVE FAR.

and I'm going to go away.
I'm going to go away from you.
and I'm going to go away.
I'm going to go away from you.

YOU KEPT YOUR PICTURES
I KEPT MY SCARS
YOU CAN MOVE FAST
BUT I CAN MOVE FAR.

YOU KEPT YOUR PICTURES
I KEPT MY SCARS
YOU CAN MOVE FAST
BUT I CAN MOVE FAR.

and I'm going to go away.
I'm going to go away from you.
and I'm going to go away.
I'm going to go away from you.
Track Name: Fuck, You
SHE SAYS I I HATE YOU
SO SO MUCH
ANS THE WAY THAT YOU ACT
YOU KNOW YOUR SO SO FUCKED
AND YOU KNOW THAT I AM TOUCHED I AM SO SO TOUCHED
CAUSE YOURE THINKING ABOUT ME
SO DAMN MUCH

you can tell
all your friends
that I treated you so poorly
you can send me an email after
and you can ask me how I'm doing
well I'm doing pretty rough
my life is kind of gucked
and I have moved to greener pastures
and you ask just what I mean
and now you know just what I mean
I AM MOVING RIGHT ON PAST YOU

you can sue me
you can shoot me
you can throw me down a cliff
you can expect that I act how I act if you keep acting like an
asshole and ask all
your assholeish friends
if this is the end
when you're telling your family you feel lonely and dead
and they ask what I said
to make you feel alone
and I'm done trying to ask
I've enough shit on my onnnn

and I
have got enough shit on my own
I've got bills to pay
and towns to see
and shows to play
and people to meet
and songs to write
and songs to sing
and wrongs to right
and game, to bring
and life to love
and things to own and
to rise above
and strings to drone
and times to share
and fines to avoid
and teeth to bare
and more fines to avoid
I've got food to eat
and I need to sleep
and I need to eat
and I need to sleep

and she says I hate you
Track Name: In The Past Tense
this ring on my finger slowly means less and less.
I went from wearing it every day
now I can't remember where I left it
you were the best thing that ever happened to me, but you happened so fast
you were the first and the last
you were the silence before the blast
you were applause and the snaps
you were the fight before the cast

you are a scar on my thigh
and you are barely getting by
you are so fed up with trying
you are the reason I'm still alive
you were the first and the last
you are the future and my past
you are the applause and the snaps
you are the party before the crash
you were so much to me
so much to do, so much to see
there's so much experience to have
you were all of the good and all of the bad
Track Name: Flashlight (TFB Cover)
Please fall asleep so I can take pictures of you and hang them in my room
so when I wake up feel like yeah everything's alright
You are still here, you are still happy, you are still smiling and laughing
you are still the only thing and everything I need in my life
And it goes in in out through the mouth - breathing exercises
I will never figure out til I am running in circles
or (I am) walking in circles or (I am) crawling in circles or lying on the ground
And I can hear your dog whistle from my bedroom
Yeah yeah
And I can see a flashlight cutting up the trees behind my house
Yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah
She's says a lot of the kids we graduated with are now homeless
which puts them in mad shady situations with mad shady people
if not everyday then on an every other day basis
And she's probably with a few of them right now
and they are probably just drinking and talking about
how she misses getting fucked up and hanging around
And he says "Hey you're good at that" and she says "Thanks, it's kind of all I got,"
and then she looks away and says "It's also all I need."
And I can smell plastic burning I can smell chemicals breaking down.
I got your last three e-mails the ones where you said, "I was sorting some things out"
And he will be able to hear her dog whistle from his bedroom
Yeah yeah
And I can see a flashlight cutting up the trees behind my house
Yeah yeah
And I will read the flashing like a morse code explanation
that will mean nothing but take all night to figure out, out, out...
(Please fall asleep so I can take pictures of you and hang them in my room
so when I wake up feel like yeah everything's alright)
when I am sad, I am sad - but when I'm happy, oh god I'm happy
there's just no place in-between for us to meet
(You are still here, you are still happy, you are still smiling and laughing
you are still the only thing and everything I need in my life)
when I am sad, I am sad - but when I'm happy, oh god I am happy
there's just no place in-between for us to meet
(Please fall asleep so I can take pictures of you and hang them in my room
so when I wake up feel like yeah everything is alright)
when I am sad, oh god I'm sad - but when I'm happy, I am happy
there's just no place in-between for us to meet
(You are still here, you are still happy, you are still smiling and laughing
you are still the only thing and everything I need in my life)
when I am sad, oh god I am sad - but when I'm happy, I am happy
and there's just no place in-between for us to meet